At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
