So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
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