Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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