Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
