i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
