ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
are you so shy because you have an std?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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