The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
