I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
