Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
