You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
