then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
