Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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