I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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