Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
