i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
