Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
