He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
