I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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