all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
