He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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