You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
