if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
