Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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