Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
