this boner is exhausting
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
