JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
