New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
