I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
