we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
