A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
