You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
