Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Randomize
