3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
