I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
