you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
