Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
