So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
