If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
