I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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