I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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