haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
