yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
If I die, sorry about rent.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
