the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
