a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
my liver is dry heaving
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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