I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
