can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
