she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Randomize
