apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
