I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
