so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
